


Care Killed The Cat

by MeriBotti



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Catlad, Alternate Universe - Stray, Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Stray!Tim, Tim Drake is Stray, Tim Drake-centric, Tim is all kinds of weird, except Jason but we all know the deal with zomboy, his crush on Jason is definitely not healthy, it's my fic I'll do whatever I want with space and time, no one actually dies despite the title, this is not gonna be very happy, we're following no canon or timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-11 05:45:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16469885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeriBotti/pseuds/MeriBotti
Summary: When Jason comes back as the Red Hood and attacks Tim, Tim quits being Robin. He can't bring himself to resist the life of a freak running in a suit, but instead of continuing associating with the Bats he reinvents himself as Stray, Selina's protege, while masquerading as a civilian.





	1. All cats are born with blue eyes

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THIS!  
> Tim is going experience some severe mental health issues and he's not going to deal with them very well, please read at your own discretion.

When Tim is 5 years old his parents take him to the circus. He still remembers it, because of the boy who had smiled kindly and agreed to be photographed with Tim. He remembers in vivid detail the way Dick Grayson had moved on the trapeze.

 

When Tim is 7 years old he spends Christmas alone at home, because his parents are in Burma on an important excavation. The maid Mrs Carter had prepared a Christmas meal for him a few days earlier, and instructed him on how to heat everything up. Tim had helped her decorate the Christmas tree, and promised to remember to eat and not to stay up too late, even though it was a holiday. There’s a pile of expensive gifts waiting for Tim, far too many for a single child, but his parents must have felt guilty about not being able to be there that year, and so they compensated. Tim only cares about the camera he gets.

 

When Tim is 9 years old he’s been trailing after Batman and Robin with a camera for a few years. They don’t notice Tim because he follows their patrol patterns, and chooses a specific area based on them where he can observe the duo from a safe distance. He’s climbed on a billboard that night. He hides behind it until Batman and Robin pass him, and then he starts deftly following them, snapping far more pictures than what he’ll eventually actually develop. By now he’s used to moving across rooftops and fire escape ladders. He stops when he notices Batman and Robin preparing for an ambush. He looks at Robin move through the camera lens, and finds that he recognizes the quadruple somersault the boy performs. He doesn’t remember from where exactly at first, but Tim has both a great name- and a photographic memory. He remembers seeing the flying Graysons, and the many news articles that covered their accident (murder) and the following adoption of their son. He figures out Batman’s and Robin’s identities on the spot, and is frozen in place long after the duo has moved on.

 

Until a voice, feminine and mirthful, speaks from behind him. “You’re one sneaky kitty aren’t you?” Tim gets spooked and quickly turns around. The Catwoman is there, hand on her hip and an amused smile on her face. If he were anyone else he would have sprinted. But he isn’t, and he hadn’t.

 

“I’ve been watching you for a while, kid. I have to say I’m impressed,” she practically purrs, and Tim has to wonder at that, because it just isn’t physically possible for humans to purr. “Please don’t tell him,” he finds the courage to squeak. He must’ve sounded pathetic, because the Catwoman gives him a sympathetic look and says “Don’t worry sweetie, it’s not my business to tell on kittens who are too curious for their own good. But I can’t let you keep running around like this. Gotham is dangerous, especially for a cute kid like you.” Tim starts to protest but she shushes him. “Now now, I promise you can keep doing your thing. As long as you let me train you to fall on your feet. Ok?” He thinks about it, thinks about what he knows of this woman. Then he asks, “You don’t mean you’re gonna teach me to steal stuff, right?” She bursts out laughing at that. “Oh kitten. Consider it a collection of conventional skills for tricky situations. I promise you won’t have to steal a thing,” then she pinches his cheek. He agrees.

 

Selina teaches him simple self defense, lock picking, sleight of hand and such, and she lets him keep stalking Gotham’s dynamic duo. She’s- not motherly exactly, but protective. She gives him space and doesn’t make him talk about things he doesn’t want to talk about, doesn’t pester him about his home life, doesn’t force him to stay the night at hers, even though the option is there. Tim considers her a friend.

 

They keep in touch after Tim’s ‘training’ is over. He often sees things on his nightly adventures, exchanges, suspicious characters, things Batman doesn’t always notice because they’re such miniscule details and Gotham is always in need of saving. He keeps Selina updated on theses matters, and sometimes she passes Tim’s tips to Batman. Sometimes he gives Selina photos he just happened to take, ‘it was on the way’, that she can use on her line of work. As a favour. Tim doesn’t think of it as particularly nefarious to give Selina blackmail material over some rich douche with a mistress.

 

“If you ever feel the call of the wild, you could always partner with me,” she offers him one day. Tim refuses because he can’t bring himself to be a thief, even though he respects Selina and the way she does her work. She doesn’t get mad at him, just tells him the offer will always be there.

 

For a while life seems good. Tim has a friend, a real friend, for the first time in his life. There’s a new Robin, Bruce Wayne’s second adopted son Jason Todd. He’s so unlike Dick, and Tim loves looking at him even more. He finds himself taking far more pictures of Robin than of Batman. Jason is so passionate. Tim witnesses him comforting shocked victims and cracking jokes with prostitutes he goes to for information more than once, and Tim even sees Batman smiling at Robin one time, when the boy isn’t looking. Tim wishes he could get closer. He wants to know more about Jason, wants to know who he is out of the mask. Tim stares at a photo of Jason sitting on a gargoyle, swinging his legs and a lit cigarette on his hand, and Tim thinks about how beautiful he looks. As stupid as it is, Tim has a crush on a boy he has never even spoken to, never even seen without a mask except on magazines. But Tim doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter, because Tim likes Jason anyway, and that’s that.

 

When Tim is 11 years old his parents are in an accident. Tim hasn’t seen her for 8 months when his mother dies. He cries once, sheds tears silently after he gets the call. After that he doesn’t feel much anything. He’s sad, but not terribly so. Janet Drake has been absent for most of Tim’s life and he isn’t surprised to find that mourning her seems too easy. His father is paralyzed, and more or less catatonic in his grief. Jack stays at home, but Tim is still essentially living alone.

 

Later that year he reads a newspaper article;

 

 _JASON TODD-WAYNE DEAD IN TRAGIC ACCIDENT_.

 

That’s when Tim really cries.

 

He stops speaking to Selina. For a while he stops going out in the nights. But he still reads the news. Eventually he sneaks away again, and witnesses Batman beat a man half to death for a purse snatching. Tim keeps watching, until he decides; _enough!_

 

He’s always been smart. He already fiddles with computers a lot, so he manages to hack into the Gotham General’s patient records easily. He finds the official autopsy report of Jason Todd. Broken bones, internal bleeding, punctured lung- cause of death: suffocation. Tim reads it over and over until his eyes dry. Then he starts hacking the Batcomputer.

 

He can hear Robin’s victorious laughter in his head when he gets into the system. Tim finds a mission report, and a recording- from Jason’s suit? He cries some more. For some reason he imagines Jason, comforting shocked victims of abuse, and wishes he were here comforting Tim like that. He tries to visualize it.

 

When he calms down he decides he needs to make a trip to Blüdhaven.

 

* * *

 

 

Tim Drake isn’t Robin because he’s good at it. He’s not a natural like Dick or strong like Jason. He isn’t special. Smart perhaps, but unremarkable. He’s worked hard to get to where he is. Batman has worked harder to get him there; physically able to keep up, making up for what he lacks by using his head. His strategies. He isn’t Robin because someone wants him to be that. He’s Robin because it’s necessary. It’s temporary. And yet it’s been almost a year now. He’s done his best not to get attached, but…

  
Deep down he wants that acceptance. He wants for Bruce to keep him by his side because he wants Tim there, not because he needs him. He wants for Dick to stop looking at him like he’s some pitiful thing. Something that needs protection, lest it die like Jason did. He wants the aching in his heart, the pain he feels whenever he looks at the Robin suit in a glass case and remembers hearing Jason’s laughter from a distance, to stop. He wants to be able to take out the photo album, filled with pictures of the second Robin, from its hiding place under the floorboards of Tim’s room. He wants to stop feeling like an outsider among the bats.

 

He still hasn’t spoken to Selina. Hasn’t been able to face her after ghosting her for so long. He had just been so busy with- with trying to figure out how to help Batman.

 

Robin, the real Robin, not Tim, is in his peripheral vision. He tells Tim, “They won’t change, you know. It hurts them too much so they won’t risk it with you, so you better stop hoping because that’s just wasting time.”

 

Tim has tried not to make a habit of answering his hallucination, but sometimes he can’t help himself. He knows he’s alone right now, and he has time to clean away any recordings of him talking to himself from Batman’s surveillance system before he notices. So Tim answers this time. “They can’t help it,” he says sympathetically.

 

“I wish you hadn’t died,” Tim can’t help but whisper. “They’d be happier if you were here.”

 

Robin bristles, “Hindsight is 20-20.”

 

 _I’m happy you’re here now_ , Tim thinks, but doesn’t dare to voice it. Robin hears it anyway. Tim can’t hide things from a figment of his own imagination, after all.

 

In the end he’ll wait for the approval that’ll never come. He’ll move on and follow his routine, focusing only on the Mission, and he’ll avoid the attachments to the best of his ability. Because he wants to, _needs_ to survive the end he knows is coming.

 

And despite all that, when it does finally arrive, there’s nothing Tim could have done to prepare himself for it.

 

* * *

 

 

He knows it’s Jason under the helmet. He had told Bruce of his suspicion, and as predicted the man had brushed him off. But he’s informed Bruce now, and that’s his job done. Eventually Bruce will accept it. If he hasn’t already, soon enough he will go over all the hints Jason has been dropping, all the taunting he’s done, slipping out commentary on things only an insider could know. Tim had left out the fact that he’s never seen Robin when the Red Hood has been present. Tim doesn’t want Bruce to know about that. Doesn’t want anyone knowing. _He_ knows the Robin he sees isn’t real. And as long as he can be certain about that his psychosis won’t compromise him. If anything, Tim appreciates the company. Often it’s the only kind he has.

 

So Tim knows that this is Jason. This Jason is real, because the other one isn’t.

 

Tim’s predecessor, the Robin who died. The Robin who hates Tim enough to want him dead. It hurts, but he understands. Jason’s only seen him from the outside. He’s only seen the professional personas of Batman and Robin, the dynamic duo. He hasn’t seen the way Bruce has carefully kept Tim at an arm’s distance, or the way Dick keeps avoiding Gotham, because being there reminds him of Jason and Dick’s regrets too much. He hasn’t seen Bruce teetering at his breaking point, needing a thirteen-year-old to watch him so he doesn’t do something he’ll regret, something unforgivable.

 

Jason doesn’t know. He doesn’t know that the room in the manor Tim sometimes sleeps in, is bare of anything personal because Tim doesn’t actually live there. He doesn’t know Bruce always sends Tim back to his own always empty manor, because Bruce isn’t his father and Tim isn’t family. No, Tim is a work associate. Jason doesn’t know, because he’s only seen Bruce take on a new Robin. He’s only seen the Joker still breathing. He’s only seen all the ways life moved on after he died. In Jason’s eyes, Tim is the kid who replaced him. Tim is the kid put there to hide Jason’s existence. In reality, there’s nothing Tim could ever do to even get on the same level as Jason.

 

He does put up a fight. Somehow, even though he knows he’s not worth it, even though he knows he’s always been temporary and easily replaceable, something in him wants that to be untrue. He wants to prove himself of… something. But he ends up with broken ribs, a bullet wound on his leg, mask shattered and suit torn, down on the cold stone roof of an apartment building on Red Hood’s side of Gotham. Being choked by his childhood idol. His first love and unhealthy obsession. He put up a fight, but he can’t help but let his hands fall to his sides. He stares at the helmet above him, and wonders, what does Jason’s face look like these days? Have all the soft edges sharpened? Have his grins disappeared? Would Tim recognize him, if he saw him now? What colour are his eyes? Tim feels a little sad about dying without ever having seen Jason’s eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

He can’t do it in the end. The kid is staring at him with clear blue eyes, and it feels like they’re looking into his soul. It makes Jason’s insides feel like insects are crawling all over them. He can’t read the emotion on Bruce’s new toy’s face.

 

All the fight leaves the small body pinned beneath him. Beyond the choking sounds you couldn’t even tell the kid’s in pain. Jason leaves his replacement on that roof unconscious, knowing Batman will find him.

  
Jason knows his head’s a mess right now. He’s starting to recognize when he’s angry and when he’s seeing _green_. It changes jack shit though. Angry is still angry, and he still hates Bruce and that child.

 

* * *

 

 

Tim wakes up briefly in the infirmary wing of the cave, he hears Bruce whispering about Jason to someone, probably Alfred, and then he’s out again. The next time he wakes up he’s alone in his room at the manor.

 

He’s tried to keep it bare, only having his essentials there. A computer and some clothes. A camera.

 

He feels groggy, pain medication groggy. He doesn’t want to fall asleep again. He considers pulling the iv stuck to his arm off, but he knows he has broken ribs. He’d rather his breathing not be painful.

 

He stares at the window in the room, hoping Alfred will wander in soon and open the curtains. He can tell it’s day from the faint rays of light coming through. He thinks about Jason.

 

Not that he doesn’t already know it, but there must be something wrong with Tim. _Is_ wrong with him, because he wants to see the boy (man) again. He should be afraid. Disillusioned. Maybe he should even be angry. Instead he’s curious. He feels a pull, a craving to see Jason again. Find out what he’s like. Rationally, he’s bound to have changed from who he was before he died, but Tim still wants to peel Jason, layer by layer, and find a boy he’s idolized since he was 10. He’s still obsessed, and Robin agrees. From the corner of Tim’s eye the boy joyfully calls him a ‘perv’.

 

Alfred does come into his room soon enough, and the butler smiles when he sees Tim awake. He’s one of the few people who seem genuinely happy to see him (the only one these days, but Tim refuses to admit that even to himself). Alfred tells Tim that his father has been left a message, saying that he’s staying over at the manor. Tim suspects that Jack Drake hasn’t even picked up the phone. He won’t notice Tim’s absence either way. Alfred gives Tim a quick rundown of his injuries; he’ll make a full recovery. Then he tells Tim he’ll bring him something to eat. Before the butler leaves Tim asks him to open the curtains.

 

He eats Alfred’s home cooked food that’ll always be better than their maid’s at home, and he stares out the window at mist and white light. Bruce doesn’t come to see him that day. Alfred lets Tim know when Bruce leaves for patrol, and the butler goes to the Cave like he always does, navigating for Batman. He gives Tim a beeper, and tells him not to hesitate to call him if he needs anything. Tim doesn’t touch it.

 

He waits for Robin to make an appearance, wonders if the medication he’s on somehow affects that. Eventually he shows up. He bows dramatically before Tim, and Tim sees him clearer than ever before. “You called,” Robin announces jokingly. Robin’s smirks always look the same, they're exact copies of the grin Tim managed to capture on camera long ago. Happier times. Neither of them speak. They simply exist there with each other, conversing with wordless emotions like one can only do with oneself. Tim falls asleep with an image of a young Jason Todd grinning happily in his mind.

 

Bruce comes to see him after three days. It’s late into the night (or early into the morning) and Bruce’s face is tired. Tim is awake, sitting on the bed careful of his ribs and with his laptop on his lap, browsing through case files. Bruce looks like he wants to scold Tim for staying up late, but thinks better of it. He’s not Tim’s father. Tim’s father is at home, drinking himself into a stupor, like he’s been doing everyday ever since mom died. It’s ok though. Jack Drake is a quiet drunk. It’s easy for Tim to pretend the house is still empty.

 

Bruce sits down on the edge of the bed, facing the door instead of Tim. He asks him how he’s feeling, Tim answers “fine”. Bruce seems really exhausted. His face is pale and his eyes are baggy and dark. Privately Tim thinks Bruce is probably developing mild depression again, which isn’t surprising considering the circumstances. By now the man must know. That it’s Jason.

 

Tim’s made his decision already, now he’s just stalling for time, just like Bruce is with whatever he came to say. Tim saves him the trouble.

 

“I want to quit.”

 

* * *

 

 

Bruce wants to monitor him while the Red Hood is still a problem. Until they can safely say that he isn’t interested in pursuing Tim, now that he isn’t Robin. Tim goes along with it. He knows Jason won’t come after him. Not when Tim’s essentially rolled over and said ‘you win.’ Bruce had looked genuinely surprised at Tim’s resignation. Suppose Bruce had thought Tim wouldn’t give up so easily. But the man had calmly accepted Tim’s resignation regardless, hadn’t even demanded a justification. Tim is grateful for that, he doesn’t think he could explain it. Not to Bruce of all people. Tim has enough self-awareness to realize that he is now officially unfit for the field. He doesn’t have a death wish, but he’d given up the fight prematurely, even though he knew it would, _should have_ resulted in death. Because it had been Jason. That’s not good, to put it mildly. Tim doesn’t trust himself to be out there. He isn’t safe for himself anymore.

 

He wants to see Jason. _Which one?_

 

* * *

 

 

It’s been three weeks since the attack, minus three days from his resignation. He’s twitching for an adrenaline rush already. His ribs are still healing. At first Tim had worried about slipping up and accidentally answering Robin. Getting caught in Batman’s surveillance system right now would be inadvised. Tim knows he _can_ hack into the Batcomputer, he _could_ still erase the evidence of his mental health issues. It’s just that now that he doesn’t have access to the Cave that will take longer. Long enough that the risk of being caught rises to an uncomfortable level of probability. But it turns out he needn’t be worried at all. Tim hasn’t seen, or even just heard Robin at all since he quit. He’s loathe to admit that it’s making his anxiety worse.

For the first time in over a year, Tim finds himself taking out his photo album from its hiding place under the floor. He hides all his albums that contain his vigilante themed photos in random nooks and crannies of the house. He’s also set up traps that will burn the albums if they’re taken out the wrong way. After Jason died Tim had wanted to keep this album somewhere close. The album of Jasons.

He looks at a picture of Jason smoking on a gargoyle.

 

* * *

 

 

A month after that Bruce finally agrees that it’s safe to stop monitoring Tim 24/7, and that he can go back to his normal life. That last part isn’t so easy in practice. Tim knows he’s already addicted. He’s turning 14 in a few weeks and he’s already an adrenaline junkie.

 

He hasn’t seen Robin for 54 days.

 

He goes to school, he gets used to coming home to his own house, he doesn’t go out late at night in a suit.

 

He just goes out late at night.

 

He has his camera, but he doesn’t get the itch in his head or his fingers that indicates he wants to capture something. He observes Batman and Nightwing, even though he doesn’t feel like taking pictures of them anymore. He goes home, sneaks in through his bedroom window and trails downstairs. Jack is passed out in front of the TV, it’s still on. Tim doesn’t bother shutting it down. He does make sure Jack’s breathing, and takes the empty beer bottles from the floor to the kitchen, to wait for their maid to collect them for recycling. He hasn’t contacted Selina.

 

Tim’s been feeling it build up for a while, and when he’s in the shower he seems to reach his breaking point.

 

He sobs and cries and screams and hits the wall and pulls his hair, and automatically exercises the breathing techniques Batman’s harsh training has instilled in him, so he can’t even cross over to an actual panic attack.

 

_Where are you?_

 

_Come on!_

 

_You’re not supposed to be able to leave me!!!_

 

“Jason…”

 

Tim wakes up naturally after 5 hours of sleep. He hasn’t seen Robin for 55 days. He wonders when he’ll stop counting, and lies awake in his bed until he has to start getting ready for school.

 

Maybe he should talk to Selina.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm tired and I just wanted to get this out right now immediately. I'll come back to clean this up in a few days and we'll all pretend there isn't a dozen grammar mistakes here right now, yeah? :)  
> EDIT: I did that, now it's mostly mistake free. I hope.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Kittens rush about like mad at nothing and generally stop before getting there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hewo! (●°u°●) 」
> 
> There's gonna be a teeny tiny change I'm making in ch. one and most of you are not even paying attention to it, but as I am crafting my own timeline here I've changed the Time of the accident of Tim's parents and Jason's death, it now happens when Tim is 11 years old. Previously it was when he was 12. K thnx byeeeee!

It’s been 69 days since he’s seen Robin.

 

It’s also Saturday, and Tim’s 14th birthday. Birthdays seem so unimportant, though Tim realizes he only thinks that way as a defense mechanism, developed to counter the many times his parents have been absent for his birthdays. Janet used to say such celebrations were frivolous networking events at best, and a complete waste of time at worst. She had bought him gifts and given him checks anyway.

 

Tim still hasn’t contacted Selina, though he’s trying. Sort of. He’s been thinking about it for two weeks. He starts by mentally going through his schedule, but that’s as far as he’s gotten so far.

 

Tim can hear their landline phone ringing, and starts jumping the stairs downstairs. He passes his father, who hasn’t moved to answer the phone, as Tim suspected.

 

It’s Alfred. Tim is surprised.

 

Alfred congratulates him, and invites Tim over for a chess session, apologizing for the short notice. Tim forgets to answer him, and the butler has to gently ask if he was heard. Tim agrees to go.

 

Tim starts going over the mail, left to the kitchen by their maid, who knows it’s the room both Tim and Jack frequent the most. Jack has gotten a notice from the hospital he had done his mandatory physical therapy at, reminding him that if he wishes for the insurance to cover his future PT sessions he must actually make his appointments. Technically these are not required sessions, but the doctor had made it clear that it would be advised for Jack to continue. Tim scoffs and leaves the rest of the mail alone. He makes coffee for himself and goes to get ready for meeting Alfred, even though he knows he’ll be ready far too early if he starts now.

 

Alfred greets Tim like it’s just another day, like any of the ones Tim had spent acting as Robin. Tim appreciates it. Tim has no doubt that whether Bruce is still passed out sleeping off the night, or at the Wayne enterprises, there is absolutely no chance of the two of them crossing paths. Tim appreciates that as well.

 

“Before we begin might I suggest some afternoon tea, master Tim?” Alfred asks with a twinkle in his eye.

 

“That sounds nice,” Tim follows after Alfred to the much more lively kitchen than the one at home. He watches the butler go about brewing tea, Tim suspects some mixture of white tea, as Alfred has always been reluctant to feed Tim’s caffeine addiction. If it’s not going to stunt his growth than Jack’s short genes will.

 

Once Alfred is done with the tea he goes to the fridge, and he brings forth a small cake frosted with whipped cream and adorned with strawberries. “I wanted to celebrate, in some small way, your birthday master Tim. I realize these are difficult times,” and Alfred sounds so sad when he says that, “and I felt it was all the more reason to commemorate this happy day.” Tim sniffles discreetly on the sleeve of his sweater, Alfred politely ignores it. “I wanted to tell you that regardless of what you do or don’t do during your nights, and of what master Bruce says, you are always welcome here.” Tim wipes his face. “Thank you, Alfred. The cake looks lovely.” Alfred smiles, “Then let us taste it, after you’ve washed your face.” Tim sheepishly goes to the kitchen sink.

 

Tim eats two pieces, and wishes he could eat more because he needs to show how much he appreciates Alfred’s kindness. They play three rounds of chess, out of which Tim wins two. They speak of menial things, a science project Tim had all but forgotten he had been working on in the first place, and Tim learns that Dick has returned to Blüdhaven. He hadn’t come to speak to Tim once after Jason’s last attack. Still, it’s the most fun Tim’s had for… a while. He hates himself a little for what he has to do.

 

“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me Alfred, but I feel-” Tim sighs. “I think it would be best if I didn’t keep associating with Bruce Wayne in any way. I appreciate your invitation here, but I feel the only way for me not to get involved in the life again is to cut all ties.” Tim hates the hurt in Alfred’s expression. He has no idea what he’s going to do in the future. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever wear a suit again, or if he’ll ever partner with Selina, but he knows for certain that he’ll keep sneaking out into the night, and that he wants Batman to know nothing of that. So he must do his best to convince Bruce, and anyone affiliated with him, that Tim Drake wants absolutely nothing to do with vigilantes. Even if that means doing this.

 

“I understand master Tim. If that is your wish then I shall respect it, but make no mistake, my invitation has no expiration date.”

 

Tim leaves the manor with a half eaten cake under his arm, and the ghost of Alfred’s reassuring hand on his shoulder.

 

When he gets home the first thing Tim does is put the cake in the fridge. He’ll make sure he’ll eat it all. The notice from the hospital is still where Tim had left it earlier, and Jack is where Tim had left him earlier. Robin isn’t here, and Tim hasn’t heard any news concerning the Red Hood for weeks. Tim grasps the notice harder than necessary, and marches to Jack. His father doesn’t even look at him.

 

“I don’t care if you’re sober or not, or if your company is going bankrupt or if you’ll never talk to me again.” Tim starts digging out his phone. “You’re going to physical therapy whether you like it or not. Make the call.” Tim shoves the notice on Jack’s lap and starts dialing the correct number. Tim is relieved to find out that when he glances at Jack he’s at least paying attention now, and has a shocked look on him. Tim shoves his phone at him as well. “Call them,” he makes himself look as stern as possible. Jack takes the phone quietly and presses the green icon. His voice is hoarse from disuse. Tim makes sure not to show any emotion as he waits for Jack to finish the call. Tim pretends he doesn’t hear the ‘I’m sorry’ when he rushes away. He doesn’t want to care.

 

He decides it’s time to get his ass over to Selina’s.

 

* * *

 

 

It's not hard to track her down. She still lives in the same apartment as always, so really, all Tim needs to do is to just go there. And then stand outside like the creep he is for 40 minutes straight, because he's a coward. He might have chickened out, but Selina slams her window open and shouts for him to 'get inside already', and now he _has_ to go.   
  
He smells the familiar scent of cats before the door is even opened. Selina's apartment is a strange mix of stuff you'd expect old grandmothers to haul away from flea markets, and very classy high-brow society decor. The scratch marks are an excellent addition to those particular pieces in Tim's opinion. There are also the few house plants from Ivy, that Selina tries to protect by putting them to the strangest places. Like on the top of her cabinet dish rack. It’s nearly touching the ceiling, but even that isn’t really safe from the cats.   
  
Selina let's him in, and Tim hesitates on top of the cheesy welcome carpet. It actually spells 'wipe your paws'. Selina looks at him, lips pursed and arms crossed.   
  
"I'm sorry I didn't call," is all he can say.   
  
She looks him over. "I was worried, kitten."   
  
"I'm sorry," he repeats miserably. He doesn't flinch when she wraps her arms around him, nor does he cry when he realizes it's a hug. He just lets out a shaky breath and hugs her back.   
  
"Now," she eventually pulls away but doesn't let go of him, "tell me everything." He smiles tiredly.

 

They sit on her scratched luxury couch and he tells Selina about being Robin. He tells her about how he keeps tabs on possible cases, even though he was the one who wanted to quit. He tells her about starting to go out stalking vigilantes again. He tells her that he's getting sick of the constant jitters and expecting to be attacked any minute. He tells her that he can't be out in the field, because he's mentally compromised, but that he can't stand not being out there either. He can't bring himself to speak about Jason or the (not) real Robin, whom Tim has now missed for 70 days. Selina definitely knows he's leaving out things, but she has never pushed Tim to talk about things he doesn't want to talk about. Maybe he'll tell her later.  
  
They sit on her couch, and one of Selina’s strays is purring behind Tim on the back of it. Selina contemplates what Tim has told her. "If you want to be out there, you can keep going out. Don't need a suit for that. You should know,  you were doing it before Robin."   
  
"But-" she doesn't let him finish.   
  
"I'm not saying 'go out there and get involved'. What you want is excitement, isn't it? So just keep going out to observe. As a civilian. A very stalkery civilian." She grins.   
  
"And when you're ready, _if_ you're ready, you take on a suit. _Only_ if you like, only on your terms."   
  
"If," he agrees.   
  
"I can't believe you started running with Batman and didn't say a thing," she grumbles and starts rummaging through her box of movies and tv-shows.   
  
"You knew it was me."   
  
She hums non-committally. "I trained you, of course I recognized you. What did you tell him when he noticed?"   
  
"That looking at Batman and Robin inspired me to take martial arts classes."   
  
She snorts.

 

“I forged the attendance records and everything.”

  
He has to ask.   
  
"Selina, why didn't you say anything?"   
  
She doesn't answer him right away. She takes her time putting a disc into her video player. She has a strange look of honest guilt on her face when she turns to him.   
  
"I was- mad. And jealous. I wanted you to come to me first. I'm not perfect, kitten."   
  
She smiles sadly. She does that whenever she’s talking about something she regrets, usually relating to Bruce (not Batman, the distinction matters). Tim finds he's already forgiven her. At least she can admit her faults. And Tim's no better or worse. But the thought had been on the back of his mind; he hadn't contacted Selina, but she hadn't contacted him either. Not once had he crossed paths with Catwoman during his time working as Robin.   
  
They end up watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, because Selina can be a nerd too.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Jason, in one of his clearer moments, had come to the conclusion that he's been focusing on the wrong thing. Up until now he's gone with the idea that he wants to kill Batman. To be honest he still feels the urge to. But he thinks what he really _wants_ , is to make Bruce understand why Jason is so angry. He wants to dangle every fucked up thing Bruce has done in front of him, and make the man own up to it. And he wants to see, needs to know if Bruce really cares, like the fake-Robin had tried to tell him. The boy had spun a big ol' sob story about how broken Bruce had been after Jason's death. But he needs to _see_.  
  
Jason knows the boy had quit. Good for him. In the end Jason's beef with Timothy Drake had never been personal. Not personal with the kid, anyway. It's always about Bruce. Him and his fucking boy soldiers. Jason wouldn’t go as far as to promise if he saw the kid now he wouldn’t take the opportunity to punch him, nah. The boy’s a trigger for him in the same way Batman is, but at least in the boy’s case it’s not actually by any fault on the boy’s part. It’s not the kids’ fault what Bruce has them do. It’s not _their_ fault Bruce doesn’t treat them like children, and uses them when they don’t know better. At least it’s not some sick pedo-bullshit, but in a way Jason puts Bruce’s crime into the same category; he forces children to grow up.  
  
Jason's not gonna pretend he has the moral high ground. Fuck, he's a trained murderer and a not-very-stable-individual to boot. But if he could just make Bruce understand…

Jason has the perfect plan, involving a certain psycho with a clown fetish and the local bat enthusiast. All he needs to do is to poke at Black Mask a little harder, and wait for Dick to get sick of Bruce's shit and run back to Blüdhaven.  
  
He waits for Black Mask to hire the first cronies after him. He fucks them up, makes sure Batman is there too so Black Mask can connect the dots. He waits some more. Decides to take a rocket launcher to Black Mask's office to further motivate the guy.  
  
Then one day, he gets the news that the Joker has escaped Arkham Asylum. The Joker has the lieutenants Jason had persuaded into working for the Red Hood instead of Black Mask, and the scumbag in question himself, crammed into a truck container, doused in gasoline. And the shit can't even light a goddamned lighter without a show.  
  
Batman shows up in time to save the criminals, of course, and Jason makes sure to get away with the Joker, so that he'll have the chance to spend some quality alone time with the clown before Batman tracks them to Crime Alley.  
  
Torturing the Joker is both a great relief and a source of anxiety for him. The longer Jason spends beating him up with a crowbar, listening to him try to laugh, the more uneasy he gets. He hates this. He hates that even when he seemingly wins, when it's the Joker, somehow the bastard ends up enjoying it anyway. Eventually he ties him up and throws him in a closet. He rigs a bomb.  
  
Batman shows up. Batman beats him up. Jason loses his helmet somewhere along the way.

 

"You have to choose. It's either him or me," Jason gives the ultimatum while he has the Joker in a chokehold. He has a gun against his pale forehead, and he throws Batman another gun.  
  
"Jason," Bruce practically begs.  
  
Choose.  
  
"Yeah!" The Joker cackles maniacally, and Jason holds him a little tighter by the throat. "Choose, Batsy!"  
  
"Either you shoot him or _I_ will! CHOOSE!"  
  
Bruce drops the gun and turns away.  
  
No!  
  
No!  
  
No!  
  
Fuck.  
  
Jason tries to shoot Bruce instead, but he was ready. He throws a batarang and it lodges itself right into Jason's wrist. It hits the tendon and Jason drops the gun, and the Joker wrangles himself free. He doesn't make it very far. The asshole faceplants on the floor when he can't carry his own weight, thanks to the many broken ribs Jason had gifted him with, and Jason gets some satisfaction from that.  
  
That's it then. Bruce is never going to change, and Jason was stupid for trying.  
  
He takes out the detonator and looks at the red numbers count down. From 9, for old times’ sake. Bruce flings himself towards him.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Tim has stopped counting the days he doesn’t experience hallucinations on. It’s probably for the best. Only a few days after his Buffy marathon with Selina, there had been breaking news covering Red Hood fighting a group of ‘terrorists’ (media code for too weird to describe), seemingly together with Batman. Ever since, the Red Hood has been striking different drug mob targets, Tim has noticed the common denominator is Black Mask. Tim doesn’t actively seek Jason out when he goes on his own ‘observation runs’. But he has finally managed to patch into the Batman’s patrol radio frequency in a way that won’t be noticed. Tim assumes it won’t be noticed because no one has yet to show up by his window in the wee hours of the night to intimidate him into stopping.

 

On a cheerier note, Jack had gone to PT like Tim had asked, and he had continued to do so, to Tim’s pleasant surprise. Tim had even spied him opening a third bottle of beer and looking too guilty to actually drink it, which had made Tim suspicious. Tim is going to let Jack stew in his well deserved guilt a bit longer, but soon he’ll have to stop ignoring the man, and somehow interrogate him without giving away the fact that he’s being interrogated.

 

It’s only been two weeks, though. There’s still plenty of time for a relapse, and Tim is reluctant to waste his time.

 

Tim had actually been meaning to keep his run short tonight, as there was an exam at school he wanted to at least go over the material for. But his father is downstairs watching the tv, and all Tim needs to hear in the muffled voice of a news anchor is ‘the Joker’, and he’s practically falling down the stairs.

 

Jack notices, and mumbles something about how unbelievable it is that they’re keeping that criminal alive. Tim manages to let out a lame “Yeah,” and then he says that he’s going to cram for his exam. Tim has to wait 4 hours before he thinks it’s safe for him to sneak out.

 

When he patches into the radio he can already hear the Oracle giving regular updates on where the police force are moving and the Joker’s sightings. Bruce and Barbara had actually worked together and created a ‘Joker sighting’ app, introduced under a fake publisher. The general populace of Gotham ate it up, even though the Joker has been in Arkham for over a year now. They hadn’t quite managed a full 2 years…

 

Tim falls back to the trance-like state that lets him jump across rooftops and skillfully climb ladders and billboards to move around the city. 

He’s just here to observe. He’ll only get involved if he has to. But he’s not stupid. He crosses his fingers and hopes Selina is home. He doesn’t use the door, climbs up the window she keeps open for the cats instead. She’s in the middle of eating cup noodles while watching the news.

 

“Jesus, Tim!” He realizes he might look a bit crazed just standing there catching his breath.

 

“I need a suit. No I mean- not suit, but anything you can give me right now like- do you have arm braces?”

 

“Woah, woah, slow down kitten. Explain.”

 

He takes a deep breath and does his best. “The Joker escaped,” and she nods, because she’s watching the news Tim notes again, “and I’m watching Batman. From a safe distance. But I’d like to be extra careful, so if you have anything I can borrow that would be nice.”

 

Tim knows it was a risk to come to Selina, even though she has been very lenient with him. Tim can tell she doesn’t like this based on the way she’s biting her lip. “If I refuse you’ll just go out there anyway, is that right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

She sighs defeated. “Come on then. I doubt I’ll have any chest protection for you, but at least I can give you a little something for those sticks you call ‘arms’ and ‘legs’.”

 

They’re both relieved to find out that Selina’s arm and leg braces stay on Tim. They’re big, but not so much that they’ll hinder him. Tim glances at Selina’s collection of goggles. “Do any of those use infrared?”

 

“These ones,” she hands him a pair with orange lenses, and shows him how they work.

 

Before he leaves Selina stops him with a hand on his shoulder. “Promise you’ll stay at a distance.”

 

“I will.”

 

He listens to the Oracle update Batman of the hostage situation on the Sprang Bridge, and his heart skips a beat when he hears “Red Hood sighted.”

 

Tim isn’t joking when he says he goes into an adrenaline filled haze after that. He mindlessly follows Batman and clings to every update he hears on the channel, because he can’t see everything even with his camera lens, which has an admittedly ridiculous range. He follows Batman all the way to Crime Alley. Though he’d lost him for a moment physically, the radio updates let Tim know where he needed to go. He witnesses some of the battle between Red Hood and Batman when they briefly take their fight outside the crumbling building Batman had gone in, but when Batman gains a clear upper hand Jason circles back inside the building, and Tim can only watch three red figures through Selina’s goggles without audio, and guess at what’s happening. It’s been radio silence ever since Batman got on site.

 

For once in his life Tim feels weird about stalking Batman. He’s not a part of this life anymore, Tim has no business being here. And this feels so… private. But at the same time he wants to get closer. He’s glad he doesn’t, because there’s an explosion.

 

Tim feels the heat and a wave of pressure, far enough not to be hurt by neither, but close enough to feel it in his ears. He has to turn off the goggles and wait that he sees something other than light again. He starts counting seconds. He gets to 120 before the radio silence gets unbearable, and then he dashes inside. He panics at the sight of Batman’s unmoving body, half under rubble. He just stands there, thinking about how he’s been instructed to act in a situation like this but his mind is blank.

 

“Check his breathing,” Tim hears the voice of Robin from right beside his ear. It makes him jump into action. “But don’t move him until you know his back is intact,” and Tim does just that. He makes sure Batman is breathing, then checks his pulse, than starts moving the rubble carefully from the unconscious man. It’s then that Tim realizes there’s another body half buried below Batman. Tim throws away every precaution and starts dragging Jason away from under the 250 or so pounds of muscle and kevlar. He groans but doesn’t show other signs of consciousness, and Tim is glad he’s wearing the goggles. Hopefully they’ll obstruct his face enough. He starts assessing Jason’s injuries, the worst of it is the large 3rd degree burn on his back, and there’s probably shrapnel. Tim distracts himself by talking to his hallucination.

 

“You disappeared,” he blames the imaginary Robin. Very childish.

 

“You don’t need me anymore, you got the real deal right there. I grew up handsome,” the imaginary Robin unnecessarily adds.

 

“Then why are you here?” Tim feels petulant.

“You needed it,” the hallucination has the gall to sound amused.

 

Tim ignores it, and careful of possible broken bones grabs Jason’s right arm and flings the man across his shoulders, so that Tim can support most of the man’s weight on his back. He lets Jason’s legs drag behind them as he starts leaving the building. He’s trying very hard not to think about the fact that there had been three figures in the infrared visual. Actually, he’s trying very hard not to think at all, because holy hell what the frack does he think he’s doing? What is he doing? Jason needs medical attention Tim can’t give, and he can’t go to Alfred or a hospital, and oh my god what is Tim doing?! Before he can continue panicking his com crackles,

 

“Robin.” It’s Oracle. On Tim’s frequency.

 

“Robin answer. I know you’re there. What? You thought you could just listen in and I wouldn’t notice?”

 

“...Yes?” Tim says meekly, “And I’m not Robin anymore,” he adds with a little more confidence.

 

“Alright. Now status update.”

 

“Batman is unconscious and doesn’t seem to have sustained any fatal injuries. I’m- I have the Red Hood,” Tim continues before he can be interrupted, “I know he’s a criminal but it’s bad, he- he needs help. Like right now and I don’t think I can… haul him very far.”

 

The silence is more disapproving than any berating Barbara could offer. So Tim is surprised to hear her say “Alright. I’m sending someone over, ETA is 6 minutes.” After a moment she adds, “What about the Joker?”

 

Tim sucks in a breath.

 

“I didn’t check.”

 

“Robin!”

 

“I’m not Robin.”

 

They leave it at that.

 

Barbara’s ‘someone’ turns out to be a girl just about Tim’s age dressed in a purple hand-sewn suit.

 

She greets him with a “Sup.” She pops the ‘p’.

 

Tim doesn’t know what to say.

 

“I’m Spoiler, and who’s this hunk of meat?” She asks and gestures to Jason.

 

“Uuuh…”

 

“What, cat got your tongue, Boy Wonder? Yeah, the lady whose voice speaks in my head told me who you are.”

 

Tim can’t help it, it’s honestly all too much, and he starts laughing hysterically.

 

“Woah, hey, it’s ok. I’m here to help ok? You need help carrying this dude, right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Ok, so let me just go over here-”  she bows below Jason’s other arm and grabs him. “Ok! Let’s move.”

 

“Where?” Tim asks, already moving where Spoiler is leading them.

 

“To our ride,” the girl practically beams at him. Their ride is Selina with a black Porsche which definitely does not belong to her. Tim would ask Barbara how she knew, but he’d just get an ‘I know everything’.

 

“Kitten, glad you made it,” she grins at him and opens the back door for them.

 

“Shotgun!” The girl shouts before they’re even done shoving Jason inside. Tim fits himself inside with Jason’s legs on his lap, and tries not to think about how thick his thighs look. He’s been 14 only for a few weeks, it’s far too early to be a hormonal teenager.

 

“I have an arrangement with Dr Leslie Thompkins,” the Oracle’s mechanical voice is in Tim’s ear again. “She will take care of the Hood’s injuries and I’ll help her keep it out of Batman’s radar.”

 

“Why are you doing this?” Tim asks perplexed.

 

She’s silent for a while, then, “He used to be Robin.” _Our Robin._ “Whatever he’s doing now, I don’t condone any of it. But, I know how B is. I know this is for the best. I won’t let him know of your involvement in this, but the Hood is not going to keep running free. Do I make myself clear?”

 

Tim is reluctant to agree, but there’s not much else he can do. All in all, what he takes away from the night is that impulsiveness does not suit him.

 

Tim leaves Jason to Dr Thompkins’s care, and more or less passes out when he gets home.

 

Three days later he gets the notice that Jason, despite being under a ridiculous amount of medication, had knocked out the doctor, and has completely disappeared from Gotham. Tim doubts Bruce will be able to track him down, if he even tries.

 

Tim doesn’t start counting the days again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo! Steph is introduced! And Babs too. Just. Yes! My favourite Bat Ladies <3 And I knooow! I want to see Tim in an actual catsuit and having an actual conversation with Jason too. I promise we're getting there. In the meanwhile have an explosion???
> 
> This time I did go over and try to fix my grammar beforehand. Let's hope I won't come back to this three days later and start crying. Thank you for reading!


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